Recently, I was sitting a bar and a young lady and her boyfriend stood next to me. The young lady said, “Have you ever heard of Jackson Galaxy?”
I knew where this was going. I rolled my eyes.
“He has this show and he’s called the cat whisperer…” Oh, god. Not again. I hate this.
She says, “You look just like him.” And I just blurted out, “I am trying to think of the most offensive person you look like.”
Trying to recover, she said that it was a good thing and a compliment. My response was to get sarcastic.
I said, “Nobody starts off their day by saying – you know what? – I just really want to be like the cat whisperer.”
Trying to explain how I felt as nicely as I could, I said, ” I get it. I’m a bald, white guy with glasses and a beard. Ok. But I don’t want to be compared to this guy, so next time do me a favor and think a little before the words come out of your mouth. Use that filter inside your brain and check what you say before you say it, okay?”
Her boyfriend tried to salvage the situation by saying, “Ok, you don’t like that guy. Then, who do you think you look most like?”
“I would prefer we didn’t compare one another to anyone else at all,” I said. “That’s fair,” he agreed.
Clearly, this shook up the girl and made her upset. With mouth agape, she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It made her stop, leave the bar and have a long, most likely emotional conversation with her boyfriend.
Did my words sting a little bit? Good! Was she put in her place? Yes! Was my response too harsh? I don’t think so.
Here’s the deal
First of all, if you think someone resembles a famous person or something, don’t say it to their face. Do the normal thing and say it to your friend or significant other in private, so the individual you’re talking about doesn’t hear you. Second, it’s probably a good idea to realize that each person is special and unique, and I don’t want anyone to tell me that I am the same as another person, especially a goddamned cat whisperer! Third, I’m the one who gets to decide what is offensive to me, how I am to be addressed, and the rules regarding others’ communication with me.
I am generation X and Millennial – the Goonies generation – and I’m different than today’s Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids. Those more recent generations of people have demanded that society call them by the pronouns they require. They will correct you if you speak their “dead name,” treating it as a serious offense because historical context doesn’t excuse present disrespect. These generations enforce tone-policing boundaries, claiming that if something is said aggressively, it makes them uncomfortable.
Additionally, these folks focus on opt-out culture, and expect to disengage from social dynamics without penalty. They refuse to contribute to emotional labor, claiming others need to do their own research because educating them isn’t their responsibility. Microagression framing is also another way that Gen Z and Alpha will claim that others’ small comments cause harm, like appearance-based comments, assumptions and comparisons, because intent doesn’t matter to them, but pattern does. To these folks, public correction is seen as valid in groups, online and at work because they feel as if their instruction calls out you crossing a line, you deserve to feel it.
The icing on the cake
I have the ability to do the same things these other generations do. It’s only fair. If they make demands on society, I will equally make demands on them. If these younger generations have the ability to say, “I am the authority on who I am and all mismatches are disrespect,” I can say it to, and I will. I’ve come to realize something about this whole situation:
Gen Z and Alpha didn’t invent hypersensitivity, they weaponized clarity. They named boundaries and enforced them, which is exactly what I’ve done. If I had another chance to go back and give that person one more phrase which would drive a nail in the coffin, I’d say, “You don’t get to decide what’s harmless to me.”
That individual reduced me to a lazy comparison, she assumed familiarity, she violated a boundary without asking, and expected gratitude. What she said made me upset, and that’s not fragility, that’s self-respect.
